The Survivor

So, how is it to be a survivor? If you are one of those lucky ones, nothing much; the body takes some time to adjust to the chemotherapy side effects, and any follow-up medications (tamoxifen in my case) and life goes on. Most probably, for five years there are periodic check-ups (Chest X-Ray, Mammogram, Abdomen ultrasound and a blood test for me) and fingers crossed, you get through them. However, when I completed five, they said, it had to be for 10 and so I trudge on.

Little did I realise though, that the side effects of the chemo would hound me for a long time to come! Many a time, not understanding what is happening in my body or why,  used to be a common problem that I dealt with. As I mentioned sometime earlier, I ‘eject’ from my body pretty much how a pilot does so from an aircraft that is about to crash! That makes it easier to bear the crosses for a while. It’s as if I am outside of my body and looking at what is happening with it. When I visit any specialist for a problem, they would first have to go through my complete case history. So, to make it easy for them I have learnt to quickly take them through the most important points of my treatment history in a jiffy J. The irony is that most often they trace my problem back to the chemo medicines and explain in detail what could have happened and why. It started happening so often, I wondered if there was any part of my body left unaffected by the chemos, hopefully the brain J

The first piece of wisdom I had to live with for lifelong, was my right hand being a vulnerable one due to the mastectomy along with removal of lymph nodes. I need to take special care of my hand as it can get infected easily and won’t heal fast. Ideally, I am not supposed to even allow punctures for a blood test. Life was tough as it is during chemos, finding a nerve being a big challenge for the nurses who would struggle and they all would collectively a heave a sigh when my chemo gets started. Blood tests post chemos became an ‘event’ of sorts with the nerves on the left hand playing truant every single time! I was also advised not to sleep on the right side to avoid lymphedema. I had to give up my two-wheeler long distance travel due to this issue, so as not to take any chances with skidding and accidents. So, looking at the positive side, I started having a chauffeur to take me around J

For a long time post chemos,  I used to have sweaty nights, body feeling hot and cold alternately, as the chemos had given me a temp menopause. It later proved to be a permanent one, and I did have to contend with some unexpected bleeding after a long gap, when they switched my tamoxifen tab to anastrozole. So, an ultrasound scan to monitor the uterus lining thickness and a gynae consultation became part and parcel of my life.

The thyroid glands were also misbehaving due to the tamoxifen and so, the TSH levels had to be tested and the Thyroxine dosage adjusted periodically. I was referred to an endocrinologist, who also became part of my consultation list.

It seems that few of those chemo medications as well as the tamoxifen were also the culprits resulting in osteoporosis in me. So, I also have to get a DEXA scan done every six months, followed by an intravenous injection of zoledronic acid.

There came a time when I had a sinus infection of sorts. The ear was ‘closed’ and I could hear sounds in it. After due check-ups and treatments, the ENT suggested some further tests for the sounds that were not going away. It turned out I had tinnitus, which again, after detailed tests and deliberations, were pinned down to certain of my chemo medications! This time, I only smiled and never went back for the suggested consultations on white noise generation and what not. I have managed to live with it. But, the ENT specialist stays on my list for those times when aberrations happen J

And the saga goes on. Jotting it down just so that others in the journey behind can look at the experiences and realize that it is all part and parcel of a survivor’s life and not get alarmed when the body keeps giving surprises one after the other. Almost every issue that crops up can prompt you to think, ‘Oh dear, has it come back’. When we learn to look beyond that response and put our minds over our body, that is when life truly begins. The possibilities are endless. Yes cancer is painful, and it can kill. But, perhaps, Corona has taught us that some things are even worse; at least cancer is not contagious and most of it is curable with a very good survival rate. Yes, cancer kills. But in my observation, it has taught more people(including me) about how to live, than about death!  Death is the only reality that we all live with, so then why should cancer make it any different ? Shed those fears, give wings to the limitless possibilities and dream on, and bring them to life J