The Dilemma of life ......................

He could not remember anything………….Everything was hazy………….Where was he? All he could figure out was that it seemed like he was in a hospital. The only people he saw were the ones in white who breezed in and out time to time to check on his drips and administer other medication. The faces were unclear as his eyes were not able to focus. His lips felt dry. Trying to remember anything was giving him a headache. So he just slipped back into blissful sleep.

Dr. Krishna breezed into the ICU ward for his morning rounds. He wound his way through the ward and checked the records for each patient and discussed the cases with the junior doctors and nurses accompanying him. He reached the bed No.7 where the patient was in a deep induced sleep. The man was wheeled in to the hospital in a very bad condition, found on the roadside, perhaps left to die. It looked like a hit and run case and the police were yet to identify him and hence there was no family keeping guard as in the other cases. They battled for days to save his life. He was still not out of danger, but it looked like he might just pull through.

After a few days though, the man opened his eyes and was able to follow what was going on. He started recognizing the nurses, who by now started talking to him. He still could not remember anything and they did not ask him any pointed questions. The man also started recognizing Dr. Krishna. He waited for his rounds, since the doctor had a kind smile and gentle touch which made him feel that he was being healed. The police paid one or two visits, but on doctor’s advice they also did not trouble him much.

Slowly as the days passed, he was able to sit up and talk properly, but no sign of memory coming back. He looked forward to the visits of the nurses and doctors so that he could make some conversation with them. He was probed gently on what possibly could have happened to him, what his name was, where he belonged to, whether he lived in the area where they found him etc.

Dr. Krishna tried his level best to keep the patient in good spirits; the psychiatrist was also doing his job along with the nurses. But the man kept worrying. What if his memory did not come back at all? The doctors and nurses assured him that by now he was almost fully well and could soon move around as well and re-assured that his head injury was the cause for this and with time, memory may also come back. But for the man himself, it was a daunting prospect. If the memory did not come back, he would have to start afresh. New name, new life.  But what is it that he was leaving behind…..that worried him. Why did no one come in search of him ? Was no one missing him? The police promised to keep up their search and told him  that they would provide full cooperation in getting him identified. It was bad that when they found him, he did not have any identity with him, no ID, no watch, no jewellery and even his clothes were of the cheap quality. He obviously appeared to be from a poor background . He was lucky that he was brought in to this hospital. Dr. Krishna was famous for his philanthropy and did not much seem to care about the fact that the bills that had run up may not be realized. His single priority was to get the man up and about and he focused on that.

Soon, the nurses decided to give him a name and they started calling him Manav. He kind of liked the name. By now he had been moved into a regular ward and he started talking to his co-patients.  He envied them the fact that they knew who they were and also for the no. of visitors they would receive. Everyone sympathized with him and wished him well. He was dreading the time when he would have to leave the hospital. Where would he go ? Dr. Krishna discussed with the police and said that if it was ok with them, he was willing to provide him a job at his house for doing odd jobs or something and then see how they could take it forward. Perhaps if he knew driving, he could use him as a driver for picking and dropping his kids. They agreed, so Manav was informed that he need not worry too much about his future. He was now allowed to take walks in the corridors, but did not go beyond that.  He followed the conversations of the nurses, ward boys and other doctors and understood that Dr. Krishna was truly a very fine human, who believed in saving life and serving humanity in every possible way. He looked forward to working with him. He was so thankful that his life had been saved and that Dr. Krishna was also prepared to provide him with an opportunity to start his new life. Perhaps this was destiny and he had to now make the best out of his new life.

It was now almost two months since he was brought in and finally he was allowed to move beyond the corridors as well. He realized that he was in a mutli storey hospital named Sudha Memorial Hospital. Perhaps Dr. Krishna built it in memory of his mother, he thought. He walked down the stairs since he did not feel confident taking the lift. Down two flights of stairs he went till he reached the ground floor where he was the reception that was bustling with activity. In one corner he saw the garlanded photo of a young girl under which the hospital name was written and he now figured that the hospital was built in her name. But who was she? He looked at the photo closely and it was almost like the face was trying to tell him something. Somewhere deep inside the recesses of his memory which was now deep asleep a page was turned, a flash of memory and he blacked out.

When he came to he was lying in his hospital bed again. But this time he could remember what had happened to him. It was important for him to find out who she was.  A nurse walked in and asked him how he was. She told that this occurrence could happen again and told him not to worry or strain his memory further more. He could not though relax, he asked the nurse about the hospital and the photo. It was told that to him that Dr. Krishna had built the hospital in memory of his sister Sudha,  who had passed away many years ago, when she was just 22. She was studying to be a doctor, when some mishap happened and she was killed. Dr. Krishna was her younger brother who was just doing his matriculation then and as a tribute to his sister, he took up medicine, to complete what his sister could not. He excelled in his career and worked abroad for a few years before coming back to India and setting up the hospital on the outskirts of their village. That was his sister’s dream and he had worked towards fulfilling the same with a single minded focus. He was well known in the area.

Despite being given tranquilizers, that night Manav had a very fitful sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed.  And finally he sat up in bed drenched in sweat, for in his dreams he had seen something that troubled him no end. The next morning, when no one noticed, he again went down and stood in front of the photo. But nothing happened and he walked back to his bed. This continued for a couple of days and his dreams also repeated, each time showing him just that little bit more than last time. Finally after almost two weeks, when he sat up in the bed at night disturbed, he could recollect his dream vividly.  It troubled him so much and he started thinking, could it be? Did I ? No, that is not possible. It cannot be.  But he had to know and he decided that he would get the truth out.

The next morning when Dr. Krishna came in smiling for the rounds, he requested if he could have a private word with him. Manav looked so disturbed that, Dr. Krishna asked him to meet him in his consulting room on second floor around 12 p.m. Manav could hardly wait and kept looking at the clock in the ward. Finally he walked down and peeped into Dr. Krishna’s room. Dr. Krishna smiled and asked him to sit down and asked what the matter was. He asked Dr. Krishna how his sister died. Dr. Krishna looked at him for a long time and asked him why he wanted to know that. He said that Sudha’s photos had triggered some memory in him and hence he wanted to know. Dr. Krishna explained that Sudha had moved to the city to study for medicine which was her dream. She had gone for a late night movie one day with one of her classmates and after the movie, they took a cab to get back. After they boarded the cab they noticed that the driver appeared slightly tipsy, but ignored it. Soon he made one or two calls and started driving the taxi towards the outskirts of the city. When they started objecting and shouting he picked up speed and told them to shut down or else. They tried waving out or shouting out to one or two passersby as the road was otherwise deserted. But at this late hour, no one seemed to notice what was happening. Finally the taxi driver stopped at a totally deserted place where another cab was waiting with three other people. All three stepped out of the cab on seeing this cab and walked across. Sudha’s friend tried to hit out and also tried to stop them from opening the car door. But he was no match for four people put together and finally they managed to beat him black and blue and senseless, before they dragged Sudha into nearby bushes and raped her one after the other. Finally one of them, who seemed to be the youngest of the lot, returned after putting his clothes back on and kicked Sudha to see whether she was still conscious. She was and she begged for mercy and told them to take her and her friend to a hospital. But the boy proceeded to smother her with her own clothes and killed her. All four were caught and a trial happened in a fast track court. Three of the perpetrators were given a death penalty, however the third one being a juvenile was only sent off to a correction home for three years. And since his identity was kept hidden as per law, they did not know what happened to him. Soon, as it always happens, everyone forgot about the incident and life went on. Dr. Krishna took it upon himself to carry on the torch lit by his sister and became a doctor. He looked up at Manav with a sigh and a glint of tears in his eyes. He was surprised though to see tears rolling down Manav’s cheeks. He again asked Manav what the matter was and Manav just kept shaking his head and looked down and could not meet Dr. Krishna’s eyes. He finally managed to say  ‘ Dr. Krishna, I was the fourth person who was let free for committing that heinous crime………….What a tragedy and a cruel twist of fate that when you might have actually wanted to see me dead, you fought to bring me back to life and also offered to give a new life to me.’

A myriad of expressions flitted across Dr. Krishna’s face and he appeared dumbfounded and angry at the same time . Manav continued ‘ I don’t deserve to live, doctor. Perhaps if you had known who I was, you would have killed me and no one would have been wiser and your sister would  have finally felt at peace.’ Finally Dr. Krishna looked up and said ‘ Perhaps my sister is already at peace  and its destined that you were brought here and your life be saved by my hands………I am glad God did not choose to test my integrity by having me know who you were when you were lying unconscious. It appears you cannot die and your punishment perhaps is to live with the crime what you have done. And now you will find it tougher still knowing that I saved your life. And now you will excuse me if I no longer keep up my offer to take you in and give you a job. Please walk out of the hospital and our lives……..back into your anonymous life……where you will continue to wish every single day of your life that you hadn’t gotten your memory back….. That seems to be God’s wish.’ Dr. Krishna got up and walked to the door and held it open for him to walk out. Those few steps seemed endless for Manav and he walked out of the room and the hospital, never to be seen again………………………………

Note : As you might have already guessed, this attempt at a short story from my side has been highly influenced by the Nirbhaya episode. It bothered me a lot and the what if questions kept coming back to haunt me and I wondered how her family would have coped with it…….I was deeply disturbed by the thought that the one person who was allowed to go scot free could tomorrow have walked into any of our lives and we wouldn’t be any the wiser for it. This is certainly not an attempt at judging anyone or questioning the law as it exists today. This is only an attempt to capture my own thoughts that keeps troubling me still, whenever I think of that episode. An attempt at trying to look into the future and see what possible situations can unfold. Yes, there is another side of the story too where Manav could have been the life saving doctor and vice versa………………………………….Food for thought certainly for the society as it used to happen in the TV debates following the incident ………